My parents were killed in a vicious .gif attack so please stop bringing them up.
I pronnounce gif, “do you people seriously have nothing better to talk about?”
I’m sure you, internet user, are very excited/sad about Yahoo buying Tumblr, and you should be, because there are about to be a whole lot of changes going on, and I happen to know what they are because I have a time machine, so read on and learn more about your new overlords.
1. Clicking the question button on a post will double post your question to Yahoo answers. Finally your semi private questions you ask your followers will be answered by people like LebronJeter23 and butterflyprincess4023, you know you can’t wait to hear what they have to say.
2. Tons of new users you will be forced to follow. Up until today literally nobody knew about tumblr except you and the 200 Dr Who gif blogs you follow, but now that yahoo bought it, there are going to be billions of users, and you’re going to be forced to follow ALL of them. No longer will you be able to avoid seeing people posting dumb shit on the internet all day.
3. Julia Allison is back and everyone is forced to follow her. Because Yahoo fucking hates you.
4. The site is going to get all sorts of changes right away. Everyone knows the best way to keep your user base happy is to change everything up like crazy so that people quit using your site.
5. All of the porn will go away. This sucks because there isn’t anywhere else on the internet to get massive amounts of free pornography.
6. There will be more ads. This is really foolish, because everyone knows that every website that has offered a free service and then added advertisement has gone straight in the shitter. I wish twitter was still around, but they died once they started doing ads.
7. In order to keep your tumblr you must get a tattoo of David Karp and Marissa Meyer making out. I’ve had mine for a while so it’s no big deal, but the rest of you need to get on that shit.
8. Who gives a shit. Unless you own a stake in tumblr or yahoo, this isn’t going to do shit to your life.
If David Beckham is only as good as a Becks, what is John Terry going to get when he retires? A bottle of Moonshine that causes blindness is my guess.
It sounds like someone who is hip to the world we are stuck in today is who you are looking for. Thats me, I’m a college student with an ambition to succeed. my resume is attached.
—The entirety of a “cover letter” I got today.