It’s been a year since we moved to the
great slightly above average state of Rhode Island and this is what I know so far:
1. New England drivers are the absolute worst. I swear that all you have to do to pass a driving test in Rhode Island/Massachusetts is turn a car on. People do the most mind bogglingly stupid shit in their cars, AND PEOPLE LET THEM! Oh you want to make a U turn when you have a red light and there is traffic coming towards you? Sounds great, let me stop for you. However, if you go a little too slow for the guy behind you, you’re gonna
In Denver you’d hear about people getting road rage and going off the rails all the time and committing some good old fashioned vehicular manslaughter because they got cut off on the highway. You never hear about that shit here. Colorado road ragers would be vehicular manslaughtering all over the place in New England.
2. Everybody has a place you “Need to go to” and it’s always really fucking weird. As soon as someone finds out you’re new here, they will always be like “Have you been to Mikey’s? Oh you have to go to Mikey’s, they have the best _____” and it’s always some off the wall shit, the place is usually in someones basement in some alley way and it’s only open for 20 minutes a day, but they have the best khlav kalash (served with your choice of mountain dew or clam juice!) in the world. Relax everybody, I’m not going in someone basement for a loaf of bread.
3. Beach > Mountains. The mountains are great fun, and they’re super enjoyable, but they’re cold, they’re hard to get to, and you can’t really just sit in the middle of a mountain and drink a beer, you can but it’s not that easy. YOU CAN DO THAT ON A BEACH THOUGH.
4. It’s really nice being able to spend like an hour in a car and get to another city. That’s the worst part about Denver, you drive an hour outside of Denver and your options for places to go are all shitty. Here I can spend an hour in the car and go to Boston. Which I’m still not a fan of because holy fuck the traffic into Boston is terrible. Still though the option is there which in theory is nice.
5. There is something called a pizza strip that you see everywhere and it’s stupid. It’s pizza dough with only sauce on it and it’s eaten at room temperature. People in Rhode Island love this stuff because I’m pretty sure the water here is tainted and people are morons. There is a thing called pizza and it has cheese, so why not just have some pizza you geniuses?
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- kabillieu said: Numbers 3 and 4 are very important and the reason why I promised my firstborn to the devil so that we could move to Florida. (Sorry Dax).
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- samsplace said: Never heard of a pizza strip, that’s weird. Dead on bout the drivers though.
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- anthropomorphizedprophylactics said: “pizza strip” is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve heard all day and I spent the morning at a government agency.
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- earlhofert said: You guys should come to Philly again and this time I won’t be hiding in a cave.
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- alex-lately said: the pizza strip? we have that here, too but people call it tomato pie and i don’t get it because WHY ARE WE JUST NOT EATING PIZZA
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